WWE ECW 113

August 5, 2008 – Atlanta, Georgia

Matt Striker is filling in for Tazz on commentary and I want to die. There haven’t been any women’s matches on the show in a while, so at least it’s unlikely I’ll have to suffer through much of Striker’s disgusting misogyny. 

Evan Bourne & Ricky Ortiz def. Bam Neely & Chavo Guerrero
This match is what happens when WWE unloads FCW talent on TV, and it’s a bore to watch. Striker makes it clear he’s never watched Dragon Gate as he loses his mind when Bourne hits the Meteora. Bourne pinned Neely in 5:04 with a roll up. Totally average wrestling here, with a flash of fun from Bourne. **¼ 

Mike Knox shows a video of Finlay & Hornswoggle dancing while on a picnic in San Francisco. He says that makes the formerly tough Finlay a fraud, which is why he attacked him last week. Finlay comes out, still dancing with his son, and says that his reputation for being tough isn’t even close to as nasty as he’s been in real life. He wants Knox to come at him to his face, but he’s willing to turn his back since that’s how Knox is comfortable. But Knox better knock him out or he’s going to get a hell of a beating in return. Knox bails instead. 

Armando Estrada def. Tommy Dreamer
This was Estrada’s last chance to earn an ECW contract. Dreamer got distracted by Colin Delaney on the outside, giving Estrada the opening he needed to roll up Dreamer for the win at 2:45. This group of guys just feels like a bunch of losers trading wins and the crowd is appropriately dead for them. Later, Estrada logically asks Delaney why he helped him after he tortured him for so long. Delaney says that Estrada at least gave him a chance to earn a contract, whereas Dreamer didn’t give him anything. Teddy Long bursts in and books Delaney in an Extreme Rules match against Dreamer next week. Who cares? Dreamer already beat Delaney. *

Braden Walker def. James Curtis
Jesus, the matches are just garbage on this episode. All the guys I want to see are in non-wrestling segments. The fact that Striker spent more time talking about the jobber Curtis than he did talking about the actual prospect Walker was indicative of Walker’s run in WWE. This was as boring as squashes get. Walker won with a fisherman suplex in 3:01. N/A

The show ends with the Dirt Sheet. Miz & Morrison rip on Mark Henry and Tony Atlas for a while, which seems a strange move. Henry & Atlas charge the ring and the former tag champs cower in fear. Miz & Morrison make fun of Hardy to try to appease the champ. Hardy comes out and calls Miz & Morrison out for ripping off Conan O’Brien. Hardy lays out Miz and Morrison accidentally hits Henry. Henry takes out Morrison and then stares at Hardy. This whole thing was clumsy as hell. The only thing I liked about this was the amount of times the wrestlers told each other that their jokes weren’t funny. I love when the quiet part gets said out loud. It’s frustrating when the structure is sound (the irritating heels got beat up by the giant champ and the babyface challenger), but it felt like it went on forever because the delivery was so bad.