NXT 383

March 22, 2017 – Orlando, Florida

Andrade Cien Almas def. Oney Lorcan
This is exactly what I wanted in a match between these two. Aside from a little flub early on, this was just hard-hitting, intense action for a decent amount of TV time. Both guys came out of this looking great. ***½

DIY cuts a promo about their history as friends and as a team. I’m realizing that their promos as a team are actually pretty cheesy and bad. They assert that the Authors of Pain wrestle for money, not love, but nothing in the AOP’s time in NXT has implied that they’re in it for money. If anything, they seem to be sadists. They also call themselves a couple of kids but Ciampa is over thirty and looks like he’s over forty. I did not care for this.

Asuka def. Priscella Zuniga
I don’t review squashes, but Asuka getting on the microphone and saying, “Ember Moon, this is your head.” before kicking off Zuniga’s head was fantastic. After the match, Asuka says a lot of stuff in Japanese and then in English says, “No Eclipse.” I’m with you all the way, Asuka. N/A

The Revival says that they’re better than all the legendary tag teams, but they’re really just wrestling for money. Did different people write these tag team promos and not talk to each other about which team is supposed to be motivated by what? What a mess.

Holy shit, it’s clearly bad promo night. First the main event babyfaces cut a TERRIBLE promo about SAnitY where they use the term “numbers game” so much that it loses all meaning. Then as Kassius Ohno is explaining his disappointment in losing last week, he’s insulted by Elias Samson and then they talk to each other in a manner in which no real humans have ever spoken to each other in order to get to a Loser Leaves NXT match between them coming up. Then Almas cuts a promo on Aleister Black (Tommy End’s WWE name), and when the dude who really can’t speak English is better on the mic than the guys who speak it fluently, we have a serious problem.

No Way Jose, Roderick Strong & Tye Dillinger nc. Eric Young, Alexander Wolfe & Killian Dain
The referee ends the match when everyone comes in to brawl, ignoring tag rules. This was about as good as the first six-man tag, but without a finish I have to wonder if we really needed an exact rematch. After the match, everyone brawls. Nikki Cross attacks Dillinger, but Ruby Riott runs out and makes the save since boys can’t hit girls in WWE. Luckily, the Full Sail fans knew who she was and gave her a nice reaction. The good guys come out on top in the end. **¾